LWL02. Communication, Changing “You” to “I”
CHECK-IN section – Maximum time 20 minutes.
Mindfulness: Take a break from what you have been doing, breathe deeply, relax and recharge.
Step 1: Find a comfortable seated position with both feet grounded on the floor. Put a hand on your stomach. Close your eyes.
Step 2: Take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. Notice your thoughts and feelings and any tensions in your body.
Step 3: As you inhale and exhale, breathe deeply so your belly fills and empties with air. The hand on your stomach helps you practice belly – not chest breathing.
Step 4: For the next two minutes make breathing in and out your only focus. Let your thoughts come and go without trying to control them. If you find an area of tension in your body, relax it and let the tension go.
Step 5: At the end of the two minutes slowly open your eyes. Gently bring your presence back to your surroundings.
Gratitude: Taking time every day to be grateful can help our health, relationships, emotions and happiness. What is something you are grateful for this week? (Everyone in group shares.)
Review “How Are We Doing?” worksheet. (Led by loved one with behavioral health disorder.)
· Past week’s recovery activities.
· Goals for next week.
Discuss: How did you benefit from working on last week’s commitments? (Everyone in group shares.)
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SKILL FOR A LIFE WORTH LIVING section – Maximum time 20 minutes
Think: When someone is doing an unwanted behavior, do we react with phrases that start with “You” and feel accusatory?
Chances are we have experienced years of nagging, pleading, and threatening trying to change unwanted behaviors. And, chances are it hasn’t helped. Oftentimes the way we interact brings about the very behavior we are trying to stop.
Reacting in this way doesn’t help encourage others to change. We need to rephrase those negative you statements into positive I statements. By removing the “You,” and forming positive “I” statements, others are far more likely to hear and receive what we are saying. It is important to understand that I statements aren’t sugar coating the truth. They are all about truth but phrased differently.
As we read through these examples of negative “You” and positive I statements, think about the different messages they deliver.
Negative “You” statement: You always get drunk and embarrass me.
Positive “I” statement: I enjoy being with you when you don’t drink. I know it’s not always easy for you, so that makes it really special.
Negative “You” statement: You never listen to me when I’m talking to you.
Positive “I” statement: I understand that some of our conversations are upsetting, I’d love it if you could help me work them out.
CHANGE “YOU” TO “I” STATEMENT ACTIVITY
Step 1: Individually think about some of the negative things you say in typical interactions. Write out two of those things under
Negative “You” Statements.
One:________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Two:________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Step 2: Now using the seven principles of positive community try to rewrite those negative “You” statements into PIUS statements like the example on the I Communication Worksheet.
Positive “I” Statements.
One:________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Two:________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Step 3. Share a “You” statement and rephrased “I” statement with the group.
Discuss: Why do you think using positive I statements might be more effective than negative “You” statements?______________________________________________________________________________________________________
COMMIT & BENEFIT section
This week I will commit to:
· Practice turning negative “You” statements into positive “I” statements. (See the I Statement Worksheet.)
· Reinforce and celebrate recovery by sharing a pleasant recreational activity with members of my family/CSOs group. (See “Celebrate Recovery Handout” for ideas.) __________________________________________________________________
Benefits from keeping commitments:
· By removing the negative “You” and forming positive “I” statements others are far more likely to hear and receive what we are saying.
· Sharing pleasant recreational activities helps keep us close and can become a buffer for negative interactions that can be part of any relationship.
Watch: Lyric video. (Video that reinforces this week’s topic.)