Come, follow me. Prevention S2
PREVENTION SKILL: Why Kids Do What They Do
Mindful Minutes “Square Breathing” Activity.
Use anytime you need to reduce stress, manage anxiety, improve focus, promote relaxation, such as before important events, or as part of your daily routine. Helps calm the nervous system by regulating your breath and lowering your heart rate.
Step 1: Sit comfortably and close your eyes. Slowly inhale through your nose while counting to four. Imagine drawing the first side of a square as you breathe in.
Step 2: Hold your breath for a count of four. Visualize drawing the second side of the square during this pause.
Step 3: Slowly exhale through your mouth while counting to four. Picture drawing the third side of the square as you breathe out.
Step 4: Hold your breath again for a count of four. Complete the square by imagining drawing the fourth side during this pause.
Step 5: Repeat Steps 1 through 4 for two minutes.
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GROUP SHARING Section – Maximum time 20 minutes
Let’s check in and share how your week went. This is a safe, supportive space where we can encourage each other and focus on positive steps forward. You’re invited to share for 3 to 5 minutes about anything you’re working on with your children. Feel free to talk about:
· Any challenges you faced, and how you handled them,
· What experience did you have practicing CRAFTConnect principles and skills?
· How did your Family Chat go? What did you learn?
· What did you do to purposefully take care of yourself and show self-compassion?
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LEARN SECTION – Maximum time 30 minutes
1. Sometimes your child does things that surprise you. It might seem like their behavior comes out of nowhere. All behavior happens for a reason. Kids do things because they are trying to meet a need—maybe they are tired, sad, lonely, or just want to be noticed. Jesus showed kindness to people who were struggling or confused when He taught, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.” (Matthew 7:1) That means we should try to understand before we get upset.
Talk About It: How well do you understand your child’s needs?
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2. Kids learn to do what works for them. If a behavior makes them feel happy or helps them get attention, they’ll probably do it again. Even when the behavior isn’t okay, it still comes from a place of wanting something they think is good. Jesus helps you learn new ways by meeting you needs with love. When you understand why you child acts a certain way, you can help them find a better way. “Let all that you do be done in love.” (1 Corinthians 16:14)
3. Feelings, thoughts, and actions are all connected. For example, if your child feels sad they might think “I’m not good enough”. This can lead to behaviors like wanting to be alone in their room all day. Children have patterns in how they act. Using the "Why We Do What We Do” Worksheet can help you learn what’s really going on. By understanding these patterns, we can work on encouraging wanted behaviors and preventing unwanted ones. “The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.” (Proverbs 20:5)
If you have an older teen, the handout “Common Unwanted Behaviors” and the video “10 Warning Signs of Mental Health Conditions in Teens and Young Adults” may help.
4. Lily’s (age 13) parents, Sarah and Tom, noticed she was spending more time alone. They used the “Why We Do What We Do” Worksheet to help understand what was going on. Their responses to the “Why We Do What We Do” Worksheet questions are underlined.
Review “Lily (13) Case Study”
“Why We Do What We Do” Worksheet Activity
Now, we’ll fill out a blank worksheet together. After each step, we’ll talk about how it helps.
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me… for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” (Matthew 19:14). When we care about what’s going on inside our children, we are following His example.
Step 1: Describe the Behavior. How can understanding the patterns in your child’s behavior help bring change?
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Step 2: What are the External (Outside) Triggers? How can knowing what sets off your child’s behavior help prevent it?
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Step 3: What are the Internal (Inside) Triggers? How can knowing what’s in your child’s heart and mind help stop unwanted behavior?
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Step 4: What are the Warning Signs? How can seeing early signs help keep things from getting worse?
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Step 5: What are the Positive Consequences? How can knowing what your child likes about the behavior help us find new ways?
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Step 6: What are the Negative Consequences?
How can knowing what your child doesn’t like help us make a change?
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Talk About It: What did you learn by filling this out? Did it help you see that all behavior comes from somewhere?
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5. Sometimes people say a parent is “enabling” bad behavior. This happens when you do something that makes your child’s unwanted behavior easier for them to keep doing—like giving them money that will be used for unhealthy things or making excuses for school absences. Jesus was clear about truth and love when He taught, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32). You help your children best when you are honest and kind at the same time.
6. When you notice your child doing something helpful or responsible, it's okay to say thank you, give a hug, or do something kind. These are rewards for doing good things—not enabling. For example: Your child comes home on time, and you welcome them with love or your teen helps get younger siblings ready for school, and you say thank you and maybe get a treat together. This is good. This is natural. This is positive. “Well done, good and faithful servant.” (Matthew 25:21). Jesus knew that recognizing someone’s good efforts helps them grow stronger.
7. Sometimes people say they are “codependent”—doing too much for someone else. That can be true in some situations. Giving your child praise, love, or rewards for good choices is not codependency—it’s effective parenting. “Love builds up.” (1 Corinthians 8:1). Loving our children in wise, clear ways helps them grow. There’s nothing wrong with showing love when children do what’s right. Remember, you are simply rewarding the positive with something positive. There is nothing enabling or codependent about that.
Talk About It: Has someone ever said you were doing too much for your child? How did it make you feel?
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8. Sometimes, parenting feels overwhelming. You may ask, “Am I doing enough? Am I doing too much?” These thoughts can lead to stress, self-doubt, or even guilt. It helps to pause and remember that you’re not alone. Jesus understands the weight of loving others deeply. He reminded us, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9). Parenting doesn’t require perfection—it calls for love, patience, and guidance from God.
9. Being strong for your child and family doesn’t mean you never feel weak. In fact, acknowledging your need for help is a sign of strength. Jesus taught that humility and dependence on God bring peace. When you pray and ask God for help with parenting, you are inviting His wisdom into your home. “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God… and it will be given to you.” (James 1:5)
Talk About It: What’s one area of parenting where you could ask God for wisdom today?
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MY COMMITMENTS Section
These are our group commitments. We will start the next session by reporting on them. This week I will:
A. Hold the “Family Chat: There is Always a ‘Why?” or alternative “Inside and Outside” Family Chat for younger children.
B. Do the in-between session assignments:
● Use the “Why We Do What We Do Worksheet” to map one of your child’s unwanted behaviors. Refer to the “’Lily’ (13) Case Study” and “Common Unwanted Behaviors Handout” as needed.
C. Show kindness to myself by having self-compassion and taking care of myself.
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FAMILY CHAT FOR OLDER CHILDREN: There is Always a ‘Why?’
Mindfulness Minutes Activity -- Square Breathing Exercise
Step 1: Sit comfortably and close your eyes. Slowly inhale through your nose while counting to four. Imagine drawing the first side of a square as you breathe in.
Step 2: Hold your breath for a count of four. Visualize drawing the second side of the square during this pause.
Step 3: Slowly exhale through your mouth while counting to four. Picture drawing the third side of the square as you breathe out.
Step 4: Hold your breath again for a count of four. Complete the square by imagining drawing the fourth side during this pause.
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Read: Today, we're going to talk about understanding why we do what we do. We'll learn about different reasons for our actions and how we can understand and help change the ‘not okay’ ones. Let’s get started with a story.
The Johnson family sat together at the dinner table, feeling worried. Thirteen-year-old Lily used to laugh and play, but lately, she had been spending all her time in her room. Her parents, Sarah and Tom, exchanged concerned glances, knowing something was wrong. They missed her cheerful spirit and wanted to help her feel better. Determined to understand what was happening, Sarah pulled out a worksheet called that she had learned about online. Together, they began to think about Lily’s recent behavior. They realized that Lily had started acting differently when school began. She was struggling to make friends and felt sad and lonely. Tom suggested they talk to Lily in a gentle way. That night, they approached her with love and care, asking what was going on in her heart. To their surprise, Lily opened up about feeling left out and scared of not fitting in. With this new understanding, Sarah and Tom encouraged Lily to join an art class where she could meet other children who liked the same things. As Lily made new friends, her laughter slowly returned to the dinner table. The Johnsons learned that understanding why Lily acted a certain way helped them support her and bring back her happy spirit.
Talk About It: What did you learn from that story? (Chose three discussion questions to encourage children to reflect on and apply the story’s lessons to their own experience.)
· Just like Lily, everyone has a reason for their actions. Why do you think understanding the reason behind someone’s actions is important?
· How did Lily’s parents show they cared about her feelings? Why is it important for parents to know why their child act a certain way?
· Things ‘outside a person’ can make them act a certain way. Can you think of something outside of Lily that made her act a certain way?
· Feelings or thoughts ‘inside a person’ can lead to certain actions. What feelings might have made Lily act like this? How do you feel when you are sad or upset? Do you act differently?
· There are warning signs that someone might act in a not okay way. What are some signs that show Lily might be about to isolate herself? What could her parents do next time they see these signs?
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ACTIVITY
Materials needed: Strips of paper, pens or pencils, a bowl
Instructions: Gather the group around the bowl. Everyone writes down two behaviors like "shouting," "helping others," "not listening," and "playing nicely” that are frequently experienced in the family. Fold the strips in two and place them in the bowl.
Instructions: The first player picks a slip and shares a short story about a time they showed that kind of behavior. After they share, the group talks about how that behavior affected the family and ways to encourage more effective behavior in the future. The next player picks a slip and shares a story about that kind of behavior. At the activity’s ends, everyone shares one new thing they learned about behaviors and how to help each other do better.
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Read: By understanding things ‘outside’ and ‘inside’ ourselves and the actions that result, we can change in positive ways. This week we will use the “Why We Do What We Do” worksheet to try and understand why we act in a certain way. Like Lily and her parents, if we know we or someone we care about out because they feels ignored, we can give them more attention before they act out.
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FAMILY CHAT FOR YOUNGER CHILDREN: Inside and Outside with “Winnie-the-Pooh”
Read: Today, we're going to talk about understanding why we do what we do. We'll learn about different reasons for our actions and how we can understand and help change the ‘not okay’ ones. Let’s get started with a story inspired by A.A. Milne’s Winnie-the-Pooh characters.
Once upon a time in the Hundred Acre Wood Christopher Robin had a very special friend, a tiger named Tigger. Now, Tigger wasn’t just any tiger. His stripes shone brightly in the sun, and he was always full of boundless energy, bouncing around with great enthusiasm, as only Tiggers do. However, sometimes Tigger's energy got the better of him, and his out-of-control bouncing would frighten everyone in the wood. Christopher Robin, being the thoughtful boy he was, grew worried about Tigger and wanted to understand why his dear friend seemed so upset at times. So, Christopher Robin began to watch Tigger closely. He noticed that Tigger's wild bouncing often happened whenever Christopher Robin played with his other friends and not with him. After much careful observation and thought, Christopher Robin came to a realization: Tigger felt lonely and left out when he wasn't included in the fun. Determined to make things right, Christopher Robin decided to spend more time with Tigger. He made sure to include Tigger in all the games and adventures with his other friends. Slowly but surely, Tigger's wild and frantic bouncing calmed down, replaced by joyful hops that brought smiles to everyone in the Hundred Acre Wood.
Talk About It: What did you learn from that story? (Chose three discussion questions to encourage children to reflect on and apply the story’s lessons to their own experience.)
· Have you ever felt left out like Tigger? Just like Tigger, everyone has a reason for their actions, even if it seems surprising. Why do you think understanding the reason behind someone’s actions is important?
· Things ‘outside a person’ can make them act a certain way. Can you think of something outside yourself that makes you act a certain way?
· Feelings or thoughts ‘inside a person’ can lead to certain actions. How do you feel when you are sad or upset? Do you act differently?
· There are warning signs that someone might act in a not okay way. What are some signs that show someone might be about to act out?
· Positive and negative results are good and bad things that happen because of an action. What are some good things that might happen because of an action? What are some bad things?
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ACTIVITY
Materials needed: Strips of paper, pens or pencils, a bowl
Preparation: Write down a different emotion on each slip of paper that may be frequently experienced in your family. Example: “Happiness”, “Anger”, “Sadness”, “Anxiety”, “Fear”, etc. Fold the strips in two and place them in the bow.
Instructions: Gather as a group around the bowl. Each player takes a turn picking a slip and acting out the emotion without speaking while others guess what emotion it is. After everyone has had a turn discuss how we can recognize and manage these emotions as part of family life.
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This week: By understanding things ‘outside’ and ‘inside’ us and the actions that result, we can change in positive ways. Like Christopher Robin and Tigger, if we know someone acts out because he feels ignored, we can give him more attention before he acts out. Understanding why someone in our family acts a certain way can help us better support them.
Let’s repeat together the Winnie-the-Pooh cheer -- “Always remember, you’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and more loved than you know.”