Come, follow me. Prevention S4
PREVENTION SKILL: Seeing Things ‘Their’ Way
Mindful Minutes “Square Breathing” Activity.
Use anytime you need to reduce stress, manage anxiety, improve focus, promote relaxation, such as before important events, or as part of your daily routine. Helps calm the nervous system by regulating your breath and lowering your heart rate.
Step 1: Sit comfortably and close your eyes. Slowly inhale through your nose while counting to four. Imagine drawing the first side of a square as you breathe in.
Step 2: Hold your breath for a count of four. Visualize drawing the second side of the square during this pause.
Step 3: Slowly exhale through your mouth while counting to four. Picture drawing the third side of the square as you breathe out.
Step 4: Hold your breath again for a count of four. Complete the square by imagining drawing the fourth side during this pause.
Step 5: Repeat Steps 1 through 4 for two minutes.
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GROUP SHARING Section – Maximum time 20 minutes
Let’s check in and share how your week went. This is a safe, supportive space where we can encourage each other and focus on positive steps forward. You’re invited to share for 3 to 5 minutes about anything you’re working on with your children. Feel free to talk about:
· Any challenges you faced, and how you handled them,
· What experience did you have practicing CRAFTConnect principles and skills?
· How did your Family Chat go? What did you learn?
· What did you do to purposefully take care of yourself and show self-compassion?
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LEARN Section – Maximum time 30 minutes
1. Imagine you visit your child’s school because something isn’t working for them. You try to explain your concerns, but the teacher, counselor, or principal doesn’t really listen. They say you’re overreacting or that everything you’ve been doing is wrong. They just tell you what to do differently.
Talk About It: How likely would you be to follow the advice of someone who didn’t listen to you first?
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2. Jesus always listened to people with love before He taught or helped them. In Mark 10:51, Jesus asked a blind man, “What do you want me to do for you?” He didn’t assume—He listened. Listening and understanding—also called validation—can help you better connect with your child. This is very important if your child has big emotions or behaviors that are hard to deal with. Validation can:
· Calm strong feelings
· Stop power struggles
· Lower anger
· Decrease unwanted behaviors or increase wanted ones
· Make your relationship stronger
· Help your child talk to you more easily
3. Romans 15:1-2 reminds us to “bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves...to build them up.” Validation builds your child up. You want your child to come to you when they are hurting or confused. Validation means finding the small piece of truth in what they are saying. You show that their feelings make sense, even if you don’t agree with everything. Here are six ways to validate your child:
V1. Listen Carefully: Really pay attention.
V2. Repeat What They Said: Say it back so they know you understand.
V3. Notice Feelings: Watch for feelings not said out loud.
V4. Understand Their Story: Their emotions make sense when you know what they’ve gone through.
V5. Recognize What's Important: Their feelings matter, even if they seem small.
V6. Be Yourself: Be kind and natural. Treat them like a friend.
In Luke 8:18, Jesus says, “Be careful how you listen.” Listening is part of love.
Talk About It: Which levels of validation do you already use? Which ones are harder for you?
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4. Empathy means trying to feel what your child feels. It’s like standing in their shoes for a moment. This helps you understand their heart. Good relationships grow when we talk with each other, not at each other. You and your child should feel safe to share your thoughts and feelings. Communication happens best when we truly listen, not just when we speak. Listen with kindness. Don’t criticize or try to “fix” their thoughts. Romans 12:15 teaches us, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” That’s empathy.
Talk About It: How does it feel when someone really understands your feelings?
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5. Every conversation with your child is a chance to validate them. Validation does not mean you agree with them, it means you care about how they feel. When children feel like no one is listening, their emotions can grow even stronger. Often, the best way to respond is very simple—show love, ask gentle questions, and let them know they’re safe with you. Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me” (Matthew 19:14). He didn’t push them away. He welcomed them with love.
Validating or In-Validating Activity
Even when trying to help, it’s easy to say things that sound hurtful. Don’t give up—keep learning to validate.
Step 1: Read the following responses and decide if they are validating or in-validating. Put an "V" next to statements you feel are validating , “I” next to statements that sound in-validating.
STATEMENT
“At least you still have. . ."
“This must be really hard. . ."
“Sounds like you’re feeling. . ."
“Everything happens for a reason. . ."
“Just look on the bright side. . ."
“I can’t imagine how you feel. . ."
“I’m glad you shared this with me. . ."
“This must be really hard. . ."
"You’re trying to make me do something. . ."
“This too shall pass. . ."
“I’m happy to listen any time. . ."
“You’re just imagining it. . ."
“I want to make sure I understand. . ."
“What it’s been like for you?"
“This must be tough to talk about. . ."
“Just listen to me…"
“I know how you feel. . ."
“What do you need right now?"
Step 2: What do the in-validating statements have in common?
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Step 3: What do the validating statements have in common?
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Talk About It: What did you learn from this activity?
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Validate First Activity
Sometimes, when your child is upset, you try to fix the problem right away. You may feel it’s your job to solve everything. Most of the time, your child first needs understanding before they need answers.
Step 1: Describe a hard time you had with your child.
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Step 2: How much of that time was spent trying to fix? How much was spent validating? ____% fixing ____% validating
Step 3: How did your child respond to your attempt to fix things?
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Step 4: How did your child respond when you validated them?
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Talk About It: Share what you learned from this activity.
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6. When your child is upset, try using about 70% of your time to listen and validate. Let your child feel heard. Then, use 30% to help solve the problem. Once their emotions are calm, they’ll be ready to work with you to find solutions. James 1:19 says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” Validation helps us follow this wise counsel. Believe that your child is doing the best they can. Use simple phrases like “I know.” “That makes sense.” “How can I help?” “You can do this.” “I believe in you.”
7. In Galatians 6:2 we are told to “carry each other’s burdens.” Listening is one way we do that. Validation is a skill you can learn and practice. Try it in everyday moments so you’re ready when things get tough. You’re not alone—Jesus will help you grow in love and understanding. “Love one another as I have loved you.” – John 13:34
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MY COMMITMENTS Section
These are our group commitments, we will start the next CRAFT Connect session by reporting on our commitments. This week I will:
A. Hold the Family Chat: “Susan’s Brush with Joy” or alternative “Eeyore Day” Family Chat for younger children. Refer to the “Validate Me Worksheet”.
B. Do your in-between session assignments
Complete the “Validate Me Worksheet” at the end of this session.
Practice using a validating statement at least once a day
C. Show kindness for yourself by self-care and self-compassion.
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FAMILY CHAT FOR OLDER CHILDREN: Susan's Brush with Joy
Mindful Minutes “Square Breathing” Activity.
Use anytime you need to reduce stress, manage anxiety, improve focus, promote relaxation, such as before important events, or as part of your daily routine. Helps calm the nervous system by regulating your breath and lowering your heart rate.
Step 1: Sit comfortably and close your eyes. Slowly inhale through your nose while counting to four. Imagine drawing the first side of a square as you breathe in.
Step 2: Hold your breath for a count of four. Visualize drawing the second side of the square during this pause.
Step 3: Slowly exhale through your mouth while counting to four. Picture drawing the third side of the square as you breathe out.
Step 4: Hold your breath again for a count of four. Complete the square by imagining drawing the fourth side during this pause.
Step 5: Repeat Steps 1 through 4 for two minutes.
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Read: Today, we're going to talk about something called validation, which means showing people that we see things their way and understand what rings true in their views. Let’s get started with a story.
Susan loved to paint. One day she finished a painting of her friends and was very excited. She called her friends over to share it. When Susan showed her painting, her friends looked closely. John, who liked to make art, smiled a little and liked the colors. The others didn’t seem very excited and went back home, Susan felt sad. Seeing that Susan was upset, Emily stayed behind. "Susan, I can tell something is bothering you. Do you want to talk about it?" she asked kindly. Susan felt good that Emily cared. She told him how she felt. "I wanted everyone to love my painting like I do, but their reactions made me doubt myself." Emily just listened quietly and nodded as Susan talked. When Susan finished, she smiled and said, "Everyone different likes different kinds of art. What matters most is how painting makes you feel. Your art shows your joy, and that is special." With Emily’s words in her heart, Susan went back to her paints. This time, she painted just for herself, not to please anyone else. As she painted, she felt happy again, knowing her creativity showed who she really was.
Talk About It: What did you learn from that story? (Chose three discussion questions to encourage children to reflect on and apply the story’s lessons to their own experience.)
· Why is it important to show people that we understand how they feel?
· Why is it important for people to encourage and appreciate each other, even if they have different ideas?
· What did Emily say to Susan when she noticed she was feeling sad about how her friends responded to her painting? How did her words help Susan feel better?
· How did Susan's feelings change after talking to Emily?
· How can we show someone that their feelings are important, even if we don’t feel the same way about something?
· What are some activities you do just because they make you happy, regardless of what others think?
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ACTIVITY
Preparation: Print out the “Validate Me Worksheet” to refer to during this activity.
Instruction: Read out the statements and decide as a group if there are validating or in-validating. (Note: In-validating statements are in italics.) "At least you still have..." "This must be really hard..." "Everything happen for a reason..." "I can’t imagine how you feel..." “I’m glad you shared this with me..." "You’re trying to make me do something..." "I’m happy to listen anytime..." "You’re just imagining it..." "I want to be sure I get it..." “What’s it been like for you?" "This must be tough to talk about..." "Just listen to me..." "I know how you feel..." "What do you need right now?
Talk About It: What do the validating and in-validating statements have in common, what makes them different? What are five validating statements we could use to show that we understand how someone feels and that helps make our relationship better.
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Read: Validation helps us show others that we care about how they feel. This can make our relationships stronger and help everyone feel better. Susan showed Emily that she cared about her feelings. Showing we understand how someone feels helps make our relationships better. This week will try to really listen and show that we care.
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FAMILY CHAT FOR YOUNGER CHILDREN: Eeyore Day with “Winnie-the-Pooh”
Read: Today, we're going to talk about validation, which means showing people that we see things their way and understand what rings true in their views. Let’s get started with a story inspired by A.A. Milne’s Winnie-the-Pooh characters.
One sunny day in the Hundred Acre Wood, Eeyore felt a little down. To lift his spirits, he decided to celebrate "Eeyore Day." He wanted to make the day special, so he set out to create some decorations. Eeyore gathered some twigs, leaves, and faded flowers and made banners that reflected his own gloomy yet heartfelt style. When he finished, Eeyore proudly showed his friends—Pooh, Piglet, and Rabbit. However, when they saw the banners, they looked a bit confused. They had expected something bright and cheerful, and Eeyore’s decorations were different. Eeyore felt a wave of failure wash over him. He thought that maybe his friends didn’t like what he had made. Noticing that Eeyore looked sad, Pooh walked over with a friendly smile. "Eeyore," he said, "I think your banners are really special because they show who you are!" Eeyore felt a little better, but he still wondered if his friends really meant it. Pooh continued, "The important thing is that you made them with your heart. That’s what really counts." Eeyore thought about Pooh’s kind words. He realized that even if his friends didn’t understand his decorations, it was okay to be himself. Feeling encouraged, he smiled and joined the fun. As they celebrated Eeyore Day together, his friends began to appreciate his unique decorations. Eeyore learned that being true to himself could bring happiness, no matter what others thought. It was a wonderful day filled with friendship and understanding!
Talk About It: What did you learn from that story? (Chose three discussion questions to encourage children to reflect on and apply the story’s lessons to their own experience.)
· Why did Eeyore want to celebrate "Eeyore Day"? How do you think he felt at the beginning of the story?
· What was different about Eeyore's decorations compared to what his friends expected? What do you think about his way of expressing himself?
· How did Eeyore feel when his friends didn’t react the way he wanted? Have you ever felt that way when you shared something you made?
· What did Pooh say to Eeyore that helped him feel better? Why do you think it’s important to have friends who support us?
· What lesson do you think Eeyore learned by the end of the story? How can we use that lesson in our own lives?
· Why is it important for people to encourage and appreciate each other, even if they have different ideas?
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ACTIVITY
Preparation: Print out and post the “Validate, Don’t Invalidate Me Worksheet” to refer to during this activity.
Instructions: Explain that we will practice using validating statements to support a friend in various situations like getting a bad grade, being nervous about a performance or feeling left out. Have the group choose one situation to start the game with. The first player pretends to be the person going through the experience and shares how they would feel, the rest of the group listens. After the player shares their feelings, group members suggest validating statements and discuss which statements were most helpful. After the first players finishes, rotate roles so everyone gets a chance to act out a situation.
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This week: Validation helps us show others that we care about how they feel. This can make our relationships stronger and help everyone feel better. Pooh showed Eeyore that he cared about his feelings. Showing we understand how someone feels helps make our relationships better. We can do this by listening and showing we care.
Let’s repeat together the Winnie-the-Pooh cheer -- “Always remember, you’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and more loved than you know.”
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VALIDATE ME WORKSHEET
You want your family and friends to come to you with their problems and questions. Validation means finding the ‘kernel’ of truth), however small (like from a corn cob), in what they say and showing that their feelings and thoughts are real and understandable to you.
Step 1: Describe a specific situation where you used validation. What exactly did you do or say?
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Step 2: You can connect with your child using six levels of validation, which ones did you use?
V1. Listen Carefully: Really pay attention.
V2. Repeat What They Said: Say it back so they know you understand.
V3. Notice Feelings: Watch for feelings not said out loud.
V4. Understand Their Story: Their emotions make sense when you know what they’ve gone through.
V5. Recognize What's Important: Their feelings matter, even if they seem small.
V6. Be Yourself: Be kind and natural. Treat them like a friend.
Step 3: What happened because you validated?
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Step 4: How did you feel afterward?
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Step 5: Would you say or do differently next time? If so, what?
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Sample Validating Statements
"This must be really hard..."
“Sounds like you are feeling…”
"I can’t imagine how you feel..."
“I’m glad you shared this with me..."
“This must be really hard…”
"I’m happy to listen anytime..."
"I want to be sure I get it..."
“What’s it been like for you?"
"This must be tough to talk about..."
"What do you need right now?”